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Monday, November 23, 2009

Ik Omkara ... OYE!

What if Vishal Bhardwaj had made Omkara with Sunny Deol instead of Ajay Devgan? Let’s have a look at how different some of those unforgettable dialogues would have been … steady on …


Omkara in the jail (yelling with an outstretched hand, with that trademark sideways glance): “Jo agvai ka kaam kare soh hijra, Bhaisaab. Agar inki beti mujhe jhoota bole toh maa kasam, saara PIND ko aag lagake ek-ek karke in KUTTON ka khoon pee jaaonga! Jo bole so nihaal!”

Omkara to Vakil Sahib: ”Hamari jaat to khoob pehchani aapne Vakil Sahib, par apni beti ke dil ki baat nahi pechaan sake! Dolly sirf meri hai, sirf meri, aur koi bhi mai ka laal uski taraf aankh utha kar bhi dekhe na … toh haddi-paslee thod ke rakh doonga!”

Omkara to Surinder Kaptan: “Badi lakdi mat ttha, Kaptan! Maa ka doodh piya hai toh asli mard se panja lada!”

Omkara to Kichloo, who has been held up against a wall: (With an outstretched arm, pointed index finger wagging, eyes burning, nostrils flared, lungs being cleared with the force of a geyser) “Oye, haramkhor, sarat godon pe lagate hain, sheron pe nahin! Yaad rakh nahin toh boti-boti pees ke rakh doonga! Balwant Rai ke kutto! OYE!!!

Omkara to Kesu as he anoints him the new bahu bali: “No if, no but, sirf JATT!”

Instead of humming the lullaby Jag Jaa to Dolly, Omkara will stomp his feet and dance: ”Yaara o yaara, ab toh jag jaa!”

Omkara to Rajjo on the evening of Gollu’s birthday: “OYE! Saam dale kinga jaayegu tu, machchar?”

Omkara, instead of asking Langda where Kesu is, will bellow: “Oye, ROMEO kidhar hai?”

Omkara to Langda Tyagi and a bloody, inebriated, shamed Kesu Firangi: Kasoor daaru ka nahin, PAKISTAN ka hai! OYE! Hand pump kidhar hai?”

Omkara, when demanding to know where the jeweled cummerbund: ”Utaar ke fenk do ye wardi aur pahen lo Balwant Rai ka patta apne gale mein!”


Omkara to Langda in the rain after the shootout on the train: “Haan ke naa? Oye kaminey, haan ke naa? Yeh dhai kilo ka kaath jab kisipe padtha hai na … toh aadmi uttha nahi, ud jaata hai! Haan ke naa?”

Omkara’s ultimatum to Langda ahead of his wedding day: ”Taarikh pe taarikh! Saddi se pehle saboot ni laya na … toh halak pe haat daal ke kaleje kheech lunga haram khor! Kasam khata hun kal ka suraj ka, ussi waqt zinda doonga! OYE!!”

Omkara to any number of baddies, reaching for the nearest hand pump: “Khaal udhed ke pinjar dhoop mein sukha doongaa, Balwant Rai ke kutto!”

2 comments:

venu-Th 1!!! said...

Hello Jamie...

Srinivas said...

Yeah good movie that was. I've seen one other Vishal Bharadwaj movie - Maqbool, which I thought was even better. He is a dedicated movie maker, Vishal Bharadwaj, isn't he? Sadly very few such filmmakers are left in Bombay. I divorced myself from Hindi and Telugu movies (I am Telugu-speaking) way back in the late 1990's and watch only very few based on exceptional reviews or word-of-mouth.

Anyway, I just came across a link to your blog. So thought to say hi. Your blog is about halfway-decent I would say.